Pressure - deciding on your future, university, path in life

Hi there.

This post is going to be a little bit different. It is not beauty related – at least not completely like the other ones. I figured I might do posts like this aswell when I feel like it, because beauty is far from being the only thing that interests me. I have strong opinions on some subjects that I want to share with you, but I don't think I can force myself into writing about them just any day, some days I feel more like it. And on those days I might post something like this.

I have always had issues with my self-esteem, not loving who I am and what I can do. Nothing I do is ever good enough, because I could always do better; I'm a perfectionist and tend to be really harsh on myself. Which is good, sometimes, because it gets me where I wanna go, but the problem is even when I get there, I'm not happy with myself, I feel like it's not good enough. There are a million reason for that – which I have no intention on sharing with you today, but one thing we all do and creates a lot of pain and stress and just feeling like crap, is the fact that we compare ourselves to other people. In our society, you pretty much can not go a day without being compared to someone, I remember being compared in primary school, high school, music school, everywhere. And it makes sense, that we compare ourselves with our best friend or our classmates or just people our age, because we are raised in a society that keeps comparing. Maybe comparing can be good sometimes, maybe it keeps you going, maybe you compare yourself with somebody you want to become; I'm not saying comparison is bad at all times, but I do think that a lot of times, it is. If you can turn being compared to someone that is better than you into something positive, then that is great for you, but most of the time, it's what brings us down. You need to start telling yourself that whatever you are is okay. However you feel is okay. No one can tell you you don't feel the way you think you feel, no one can tell you the way your life should be, because it is just that – your life. Take time when making important life decisions (like choosing university), but don't allow everyone else to pressure you into anything. I HATE how we are expected to choose what we want to be at such young age, because not everybody has had a vision for them since 3rd grade and even if they have that vision, life doesn't always go the way you want it to go, things change, they fall apart, other things fall together. Hell, I don't know what I want to do in life and I hate the fact how pressured I feel because of it. I have some ideas, I have fantasies but I don't have a straight up vision and it scares me and I know it scares a lot of people my age. 

What I'm trying to say is, take your time to think about what you love and what you want to do. If you're not sure, don't stress about it, because you're young and you can still figure it out. Society makes us believe we need to have it all figured out by the time we're 20 and let me tell you, it's not always the case – AND THAT'S OKAY. Do the things you love, join clubs, summer schools, try to find yourself inside your community. Also know that a lot of college programs don't determine what you're actually going to do in life, and that's okay aswell. If you want something, work for it, and when you get it, allow yourself to be happy. Often it seems like we are not allowed to be proud of ourselves and that is so wrong. Why should we feel bad about ourselves when we do something wrong but not feel good when we succed? There are thousands of people trying to be somebody else instead of embrassing their own talents. You don't have to be like anyone. You're you and there's nobody like you and that's the beauty of it. If you feel like you need a gap year, take a gap year. I know parents have issues with this topic, but that's a different post. If you're at university and you don't like it there, you hate going there, you don't find yourself there, there is nothing wrong with changing the programme. People feel so pressured about going to university and just finishing it without failure, without doubts and guess what, it is not like that for everyone and that is also okay. Yes, you lose one year and that is a scary thought, but you know what's even scarier? Finishing the programme, going to work and absolutely HATING what you do for a living. One year is nothing compared to your whole life. It's okay to change your mind, it's okay to fail, it's okay to not know. And yes, you will hear a lot of crap for it, because people tend to think the straght line is the only line, but what matters is what you think, because if you're strong enough about it within yourself, mean comments won't get to you that much. What matters is you, your opinion, your wishes, your goals. If you decide to stick in the school/university you're in, make plans for how you're going to change some things to make it easier for you or make plans for how you're going to connect what you're studying to what you actually want to do. There's always a way.

I find it way easier to write about it than to actually think it, so don't think I have this all cleared out in my head. It's not strange if your future scares you or if you are scared of not knowing what you want to do, that just means you want to do something with your life and you want it to be something you enjoy, and that's a good thing. So just remember, there are no rules for how you should feel or that you should love your first choice of school right away. Maybe you'll start loving it later or maybe you won't and either way is okay. You do you. And you do yourself because of you. Because in the end, you have to live with it, the only person you really have to live with is yourself. And as obvious as that sounds, it's not always easy. At the end of the day, the only person you have to please is yourself. I don't like selfish people, I hate it when people only think about themselves. But I've learned, that sometimes you have to be selfish, like when it comes to your future. So for once in your life stop pleasing everyone and be selfish. Stand up for yourself. Nobody else is going to.

I know it was a long post, so I am sorry about that, I just had so much to say. I know it's not the best, it's a mix of everything, I got a bit carried away. If you have any ideas/recommendations for topics for posts like these, let me know, I will definitely do some more of these on some topics I feel are important to be put out there. Thank you if you made it through the end.

Love always,

T.